I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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