from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
