So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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