The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
