That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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