the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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