Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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