D3 body, D1 cock
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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