when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
You did what with his pubic hair?
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