Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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