i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
whose parrot is this?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
