When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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