I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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