I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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