Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
