This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you will always have a special place in my vag
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
