So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We left the knife in your bed.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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