If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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