I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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