Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
