You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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