you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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