I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
ok first of all what the fuck
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
