first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
