Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
