i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
