i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
