I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just want to make out with him forever
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
