i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
