The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
