I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
