After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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