Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
