My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
