Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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