Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
