I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
