gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
