Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
