Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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