My nipple is on Facebook.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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