omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
