I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
