I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
