I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
