just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
