that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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