idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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