Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
