I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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