Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
