genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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