he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
